Chicago, I AM IN YOU!

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. ~Robert F. Kennedy
Oh, hey there world, guess what? I'm still alive and kickin' and living in Chicago.

Yup, that's right, I'm living in this bitch right now.

It feels like a whole year went by within this past week. So many horrible or awesome things happened, and it's definitely a miracle that I am sitting in this Starbucks, hitting my computer keys and shit.

Which, by the way, I live in a like majorly Hispanic neighborhood. And my roommate and I thought we were the only gringos within spitting distance. Then I found the Starbucks down the street, and discovered where all the hipster whities were at. It's an odd phenomenon.

Anyways, UPDATE!

The Apartment Drama of Everlasting Horribleness: My roommate and I (I'll just call him Gabe, to protect his innocence (like he has any left, bahaha) for those passersby who may not know who is is, just in case-ies) thought we might be homeless for a while. We left on Tuesday with the assurance of our realtor that it would be ready when we got here. It wasn't. So, a helpful tip for those relocating halfway across the country: never trust your realtor. And don't move when it's balls hot outside. It'll make you want to stab a kitten with AIDS....or KAIDS if you will...

But, it all worked out with some pleading, knee begging, and general ass-kissery. We moved in on Friday and have never looked back.

Now, the great work begins. I can finally do what I came here to do. Audition, take classes, meet other people as crazy in love with theatre as I am, etc. I had my first audition last night. I forgot how nerve wracking it was, and how out of practice I am. I didn't completely bomb. There was no pants wetting or upchucking, but I definitely didn't do what I know I can do. Blame it on finding out about it the day before, exhaustion, or pure nerves. Who knows? But, I'm just glad I got the first one out of the way. The stigma of "OHJESUSMYFIRSTCHICAGOAUDITON!!" is now gone. I've done it. I auditioned for a show. Now all the other ones will be easy peesey. Like, "So what? This is audition number 384."

I haven't had that many yet, but I'm working toward it.

I've scheduled some more upcoming auditions. My next one is Saturday. I've looked for classes, finished my actor site, updated headshot/resume, and started networking. Too bad I don't get paid for doing all this shit.

Speaking of getting paid, I'm not yet. As in job wise. As in, I need to find a job wise...

That's what today has been for. I've been craigslisting all morning while drinking my McDonald's iced mocha (sorry Starbucks, it's like 2 bucks cheaper). Job hunting is hard and not as fun as audition hunting. BUT, it's nice that everything is over the internets and e-mails now. I don't have to hit the pavement to plead/knee beg/casting couch-it just yet. I've come to accept that I don't care what job I have during the day (except no McDonald's due to the "locked in the freezer" incident I had in 2005...those who have heard that story should get a good chuckle). But, I just need to find something. Hopefully my background as a day care worker/book seller/barista/hotel clerk/magical unicorn party girl can help me find something.

But, as I end this post to go drop of my headshot/resume for a season audition, some final thoughts: I've been exhausted and stressed from moving here/unpacking and just trying to get situated in a completely different city. Thank god for the people I have here already, because they've been my lifesavers. But, last night I had one of those moments. I was riding the train to my first audition in Chicago, listening to my "pump up the jams" audition music. Riding the train and walking to the theatre, I just stopped at one point, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath in. I took it all in. That moment was just pure, unadulterated joy. I did it. I am doing it. What I've talked about for a year, what I saved up for working a shitting day job in west Texas, what I've been training for since I quit basketball to do theatre in high school...it's here. It's now. I'm just so happy to get the chance to do something that is probably so incredibly stupid and crazy, but it's what makes me the happiest girl in the world. It's better than chocolate, better than alcohol, better than sex.

Now I feel like my life can truly begin.

So I crammed my life in a U-haul...

Tonight marks my last night in Midland, Texas, United States, North America, The World.

Holy. Shitballs.

I know people always say "Oh, I have so many emotions going on right now, I just can't explain it!", but honestly, that's how I'm fucking feeling right now. Just a shitton of emotions going on in my lil ol' brain. Let me give you a sneak peek of some of my thoughts right now:

• Praise holy bejesus, I finally get to leave this godforsaken wasteland!
• Shit, I haven't even finished packing yet.
• Damnit! I have to pack all night instead of enjoy my last night in town with my friends and family.
• Wait...I'm moving more than 2 hours away from my family for the first time ever...JESUS CHRIST!
• What if something bad happens to my family and I'm not here?!?!?
• Why do I think I can do this?
• Why am I am actor
• What if I go there and fail miserably and have to become a prostitute?!?!
• How do I make a guy "holla" for "a dolla"?

Etc. Etc. Etc.

You get the idea.

I've been awful about updating up to this point, but a summary of what has happened since we last had this chat. The acting gig in Dallas turned into a bridesmaid gig instead, so I got to spend a month with the bride/bffle traveling across Texas, visiting friends all over the place, doing some theatre-y things, and getting that bitch married.

Now I'm back in Midland, getting ready to leave. Tomorrow. My dad and I will be driving up north in a u-haul (to find my part of it allllllllll). But seriously, it's like a fucking 20 hour drive. Sheesh. But, I am ecstatic to finally be getting up there and starting this new chapter in my life.

So, I'm here, sitting on my couch and trying to enjoy the last few moments I'll have with my family for a while. I will miss Texas (mostly for the people), but I am SO ready to leave. I'm at this exciting time before I know what will happen. That moment when I feel like anything is possible. It's probably the exhaustion goofing with my head, but I like this feeling. The world is my oyster and stuff! I know I am not the best at what I do, but damn if you meet anyone who will work harder than I will!

Bleg, enough of this sappy stuff. Goodbye Midland, goodbye Lubbock, and goodbye Texas! Send some good juju my way (and just in the Chicago way in general, lots of people are headed up there). I hope to update more about my adventures in my soon-to-be-home-in-like-3-days-Chicago!