Attend the Tale of Craigslist's Bawd!

Life and theater and things are getting crazy up in these parts. Not in my personal parts, per se, but in general. I will have to update once things settle down again, but it's exciting! I will never complain of being too busy, especially when it comes to theatre. And, slowly but surely, awesomely spectacular happenings are...happening!

However, this post is to address a topic I briefly touched on in my last post of the 10 Chicago-y things I learned thus far. If you haven't read it yet, you should. Right chere. Look at me being all advertisey and shit!

Anyway, I brought up the crazy world that is Craigslist and that I have had my fair share of ups and downs within the past couple of months. I also brought up a "yoga story", which I feel only I could get myself into in the best possible "I Love Lucy" way.

SO, this post is dedicated to the wonderfully wacky world of Craigslist. Take from it what you will, but it is based on my personal experiences...and my mistakes...so many mistakes...yeah...

HERE WE GO!

The Tale of Christina's Venture Through Craiglistland!

I have a sort of love/hate relationship with Craigslist. In the past I have only searched the pages for stuff like jobs, house/apartment listings, or free stuff. We found the 7th street house on Cragslist (pouring some out for my homies). I found my daycare job on Cragslist. I found my Chicago apartment on Craigslist. It has served me well for many years.

Then, over the summer while I was in DFW, I started to look at the "Gigs" section, which posts for acting, modeling, singing, etc. I didn't know exactly what I was looking for, but I thought "Hey, let's just see what's poppin'!" I happened to stumble upon a posting for free headshots by a woman who wanted to update her portfolio with headshots from people in the DFW area. I was like hells yeah, I want free headshots, but I wasn't idiotic. I researched her and her company. I made sure at least eleventy people knew where I was going and the hours of which I would be gone. I ended up meeting with her and got some free headshots, plus some random fun shots. It was a blast!

And maybe this was Craigslist's plan all along. To slowly but surely lure me into this safe place of ignorance where I could be a little too trusting. Like Kaa from "The Jungle Book".

Anyways, I eventually moved to Chicago and started looking through the gigs section again for theatre postings. And what do I find?

Porn.

Lots....and lots....and lots....of....porn.

By the way, I googled "Chicago porn" and this picture popped up....what da fuck?

Immediately I X-ed out and said, "Nope, nope, nope....not going down this sketchy alleyway." All the postings were basically for porn, with maybe a few sprinkled in for acting and modeling. I searched through, hoping I could find something for acting, maybe even job-wise. Then I happened to come across a posting for an acting group that wanted to meet once a week to just talk and work on audition stuff. I was a little skeptical hippo, but again, I researched it and found out it was legit. It ended up turning into this awesome free class with professional working actors...and me. At this point I'm like "Awesome! Craigslist has just been helping me out like a champ!"

Then, Craigslist took a big ol' dump on my chest.

Here's the story: I saw a very vague posting looking for a "quirky actress" who would be interested in a paid acting gig. It asked to send a picture and a response. My reaction was, "Hey! I would love a paid acting gig!" so of course, as any professional actor would do, I sent my headshot and resume in an e-mail back to this person.

Aaaaaannnndddd this was the response I received (I copied and pasted it word for word. I've added my thoughts/reactions in the yellow as I was reading this e-mail):

Hi Christina,

Thanks for your interest in this gig.This is definitely not a traditional gig so if you are not interested, no worries. I am a fit, smart guy (ok, I really don't care if the director is fit or smart...) looking for someone to play the role of a sexy/flirty  yoga teacher or fitness trainer (...da what???)  to indulge a little fantasy of mine (oh shit no.....). All the role requires is that you come over and pretend to be a yoga  teacher or fitness instructor to give me a lesson (WTF?). You would wear some  sexy tights or whatever you would imagine such a character would wear and interpret the role as you see fit as I jack-off in the corner (OH SWEET JESUS IN HEAVEN!!!). Unscripted and improvisational.  The pay for this gig is up to $100 (0_o)depending on how long the session lasts (the "session" lasts?), about 30-60 minutes (you think you're going to last that long?). My  upscale condo is located on the northside near Clark and Foster. If you are  interested, please give me a call.

  

Thanks,

Tristan

P.S. If yoga is not your cup of tea, then I also have an idea for a role play involving an errant secretary. (I don't even...can't...what just happened? Did I get mind fucked?)

 

I'm sorry Patrick Stewart...I'M SO, SO SORRY!!!

 

Needless to say, I was a wee bit stunned. I did not respond back, but of course, I shared my plight to the Little Lubbock crew and my favorite bartender....who laughed me out of the bar...

Thus is my official Craigslist story of pain and sorrow. I know it's my fault and I know I shouldn't have responded to the ad, but I was hoodwinked by Craigslist! Still...I had my blond moment. It is still my love bitch, and I occasionally check it just to see what pops up; but, I definitely learned my lesson the hard way. And knowing that the guy has my headshot in his spank bank from now on just makes me want to take a long shower.

Thanks a lot, Craigslist....you bitch...